I lost my skate contest virginity last weekend. It was a nice cherry popping- maybe not one of those ones that makes you become high school sweethearts and get married shortly after prom, but a great time none the less. The ERGO contingent consisted of David “Wristguards” Loy, Norman “It was cool in LA three years ago” Woods, Shawn “I got maced by a dickhead bouncer” Hale, and Wes “flow kid whose last name is unkown to Buck” Somethingorother. And, then Andrew Cannon showed up dressed like a penguin. Here is what these kick flippers accomplished, through my very (un)educated set of eyes.

Norman Woods got tricky out there and put together a good run. He didn’t end up making the semis, but he was apparently the announcer’s “favorite black skater” or something. But the contest didn’t matter much to Norman, as he had his sight set on something far beyond the realm of a dam am- Kris Markovich vs Norman Woods, 2 beers, 2 ambitions, 1 winner. Furious chugging, every drop of beer sent down the gullet until one beer is empty and the other is filled with a jagged pilsner of broken dreams… Keep checking the site for more info on the most significant insignificant challenge ever.

I may not know much about skating, but I think David Loy is pretty good. David Loy may not know much about being weird, but he probably thinks I’m pretty weird. When I first met David, I was masking my beer with a napkin on which I had wrote “David Loy #1 Tony Hawk #2″. I also grabbed David’s ass once. David ended up winning the best trick with a smith stall on something high. I ended up getting drunk and avoiding the ocean in general. Welcome to the winner’s circle, David.

A kid named Wes skated well and I didn’t grab his ass.

Shawn Hale is a gentle man. He has a warm presence, like a beautiful southern bell, except I’m not attracted to him and he probably can’t cook apple pie. And even if he could, I still wouldn’t be attracted to him. Shawn got maced the other night, and that is fully irrelevant to his performance at the dam am. He pushed his way into the semis and a placing in best trick. Shawn looks like he is contemplating existence in most of the lifestyle photos I see of him.

Andrew Cannon showed up dressed like a penguin, interviewed people for Fuel TV, hugged Kyle, and was sweaty.

And that’s about it. See you next time, Damn Ams.