It has been said that America is a melting pot of cultures. It has also been said that this blog post is a melting pot of content because I am saying it right now. Here is a story about his mullet, some photos, and a video!
First, the story.
A Boy And His Hair: A Parable
Orange County, California. Shiny luxury automobiles growl through the streets as commuters try not to spill artisan coffee on their crisp leather interiors. The commuters are important or at least they must be. The sun glistens softly through the palm trees and brings an embracing warmth to the air. Suddenly, a boy emerges. He walks with a relaxed confidence. With every step, his feet strike the ground both sternly and lovingly all at once. A gentle wind tickles the beaver tail that is his haircut, rocking it to and fro.
The mullet has always been an immensely significant, yet frowned upon, shard of American History- like the slaughtering of Native Americans, except it’s a hair style instead of genocide. Proudly wearing a mullet inducts you into a fabled club. In the same sense that a hipster knows EXACTLY the right filter to use on Instagram, a mullet club member instinctively knows which burlap sack to use on the Fun Slide at a county fair. They know an excellent plate of nachos from a good one. They know that you don’t really have to be a guest to use some of the amenities at nice hotels, and they know that it’s OK to park on the wrong side of a non-busy street. The hipster may make it to the “Popular” page on Instagram, but nobody is getting down the Fun Slide faster than the guy with the mullet. Nobody.
Now a video so you (sort of) know what I’m talking about.
His Mom was a bit critical of the video:
Mullet-less, yet still in the club, Ryan embarked upon a spiritual journey to his native lands of Florida for a Pro Junior in New Smyrna. The spirit he embodied was one of a competitor, and with such ferociousness he surfed his way into the first Pro Jr. final of his career. He may not have won, but it has been reported that he was a standout amongst the extracurricular activities of the night.
Surfline applauded his efforts. Here’s the worst photo of the sequence that they ran, and a picture of him grabbing his dong. Also, a photo from his extracurricular commitment.
He looks funny here.
Yeah Nils!
Full power gouge. Commitment.
